Spamalot: Creative Writing that Will Never Appear Here

by Professor Paul Harvey

Someday a really technologically capable historian will go through and cut-and-paste together a book purely from auto-spam “comments” that appear behind the scenes of blogs. Most blogs, including this one, have automatic filters that put them in the spam “folder,” like most email programs have nowadays. Periodically I go through our spam folder, because occasionally legitimate comments get caught up there, and I can move them and post them. But of course the vast majority are bogus comments generated by computer bots in order to get a particular URL visible. In my day job, I run a large history blog, Religion in American History, and we get hundreds of spam-bots every week in the comments section. I’ve stopped even looking at them, as they get auto-deleted after 14 days. But here on our new blog, we get just 10 or so a week, and some of them are masterpieces of the English language.  I post two below (without the requisite URLs that are their real purpose — I assume if you want Viagra, you’ll find it on your own), which have an unintended poetic majesty and really need to be preserved in some spam archive that some nascent historian is keeping somewhere. Here they are. The second one below, in particular, reminds me of the lyrics to some trippy 1970s prog-rock tune, or some lyrics that didn’t quite make it to Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

“Somebody necessarily lend a hand to make severely posts I would state. That is the first time I frequented your web page and to this point? I amazed with the analysis you made to make this actual publish extraordinary. Excellent task!”

“no no hair removal reviews I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.”

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